Poisonous People

Poisonous People

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Do you ever get out of bed on the wrong side? If you do – and most of us have the odd “Bad Day” you will know how grumpy you can be – or maybe you keep your feelings inside yourself to poison you.

But some people spread their poison around.

Maybe you know someone who is always negative? They feel hard done by and never smile. Or perhaps there is somebody who always seems to get their own way, even when it inconveniences you? There may even be a person who is intimidating and who tries to bully you?

These people are toxic. How dare they bully, manipulate, or depress you?

Who are these poisonous people in your life?

These people come in various guises. They may play the sympathy card, wheedle, and complain to you. you try to give advice – and they say, “I’ve tried that – and it doesn’t work.”

They may be dominant- controlling the conversation, criticizing others behind their backs, and taking no notice of your contribution. They often know what they want – and you may be sure that it won’t be to your benefit.

Another person may simply want your admiration. They tell lies and exaggerate their own importance. It might inspire pity, but that is all draining your energy.  

How do you deal with a poisonous person?

Gather your courage and make a stand!

They may be unaware of the effect their behaviour is having. Tell them – and tell them that as adults this is not acceptable. Explain the effect is it having on you. Very often they will make efforts to change, and if they do just be sure to let them know if they are doing well. Praise will help the unsure and the unconfident, and your friendship will endure. Bullies tend to back down once challenged. And the manipulative person realizes they won’t get what they want from you and usually they move on.

But how you tell them is important. You do not need to be rude or unkind. It’s good to let them have the opportunity to express their frustrations. Asking something like, “You seem upset – why is that?” gives them a chance to talk – and that may be all they need. It can be an enormous relief to have someone actually listen to you!  

What if they take no notice?

You walk away.  

Just make it clear that the way they are behaving is simply unacceptable in an adult. Finish the conversation and walk away. This gives both of you time to re-evaluate things – (the other person isn’t always wrong!) But don’t go back full of apologies when their behavior is at fault.

You only live once and you need to make the most of the time allotted to you. You do not owe it to anyone else to make you unhappy. Once you have faced the problem person, you will either see a change in their behavior or you should dismiss them from your life – and you will feel relieved of the shackles of another person’s poison.

What if you can’t walk away?

There are times when you can’t walk away – but you can find a space to spend a little time on your own. This is not a luxury – it is necessary for your health. It might be worth taking a few minutes to work out some sort of plan on how to deal with them – it makes the confrontation easier.

When you look after yourself, you can set boundaries and be treated the way you treat others. Don’t let poisonous people poison your life; you can be firm but fair. Listen when it’s needed, but walk away if you have to. Remember that it’s your life, and it’s precious.

Do you ever get out of bed on the wrong side? If you do – and most of us have the odd “Bad Day” you will know how grumpy you can be – or maybe you keep your feelings inside yourself to poison you.

But some people spread their poison around.

Maybe you know someone who is always negative? They feel hard done by and never smile. Or perhaps there is somebody who always seems to get their own way, even when it inconveniences you? There may even be a person who is intimidating and who tries to bully you?

These people are toxic. How dare they bully, manipulate, or depress you?

Who are these poisonous people in your life?

These people come in various guises. They may play the sympathy card, wheedle, and complain to you. you try to give advice – and they say, “I’ve tried that – and it doesn’t work.”

They may be dominant- controlling the conversation, criticizing others behind their backs, and taking no notice of your contribution. They often know what they want – and you may be sure that it won’t be to your benefit.

Another person may simply want your admiration. They tell lies and exaggerate their own importance. It might inspire pity, but that is all draining your energy.  

How do you deal with a poisonous person?

Gather your courage and make a stand!

They may be unaware of the effect their behaviour is having. Tell them – and tell them that as adults this is not acceptable. Explain the effect is it having on you. Very often they will make efforts to change, and if they do just be sure to let them know if they are doing well. Praise will help the unsure and the unconfident, and your friendship will endure. Bullies tend to back down once challenged. And the manipulative person realizes they won’t get what they want from you and usually they move on.

But how you tell them is important. You do not need to be rude or unkind. It’s good to let them have the opportunity to express their frustrations. Asking something like, “You seem upset – why is that?” gives them a chance to talk – and that may be all they need. It can be an enormous relief to have someone actually listen to you!  

What if they take no notice?

You walk away.  

Just make it clear that the way they are behaving is simply unacceptable in an adult. Finish the conversation and walk away. This gives both of you time to re-evaluate things – (the other person isn’t always wrong!) But don’t go back full of apologies when their behavior is at fault.

You only live once and you need to make the most of the time allotted to you. You do not owe it to anyone else to make you unhappy. Once you have faced the problem person, you will either see a change in their behavior or you should dismiss them from your life – and you will feel relieved of the shackles of another person’s poison.

What if you can’t walk away?

There are times when you can’t walk away – but you can find a space to spend a little time on your own. This is not a luxury – it is necessary for your health. It might be worth taking a few minutes to work out some sort of plan on how to deal with them – it makes the confrontation easier.

When you look after yourself, you can set boundaries and be treated the way you treat others. Don’t let poisonous people poison your life; you can be firm but fair. Listen when it’s needed, but walk away if you have to. Remember that it’s your life, and it’s precious.

Written by Elizebeth Horder

Written by Elizebeth Horder

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Copyright 2020 ©

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